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here's to the lj [Nov. 28th, 2005|11:18 pm]
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |wolf parade]

So I always do this thing when I want to stop writing in LJ because I think that I always write about the stupidest things ever, and I feel that since it is public, I am not writing as much as I should. Yet, whenever I look back, I always read my posts and I am so glad that I wrote about the things I did. There's some details that you just don't think of as much.

Since all of my most recent posts are me crying about college being too difficult of an adjustment, I need to set the record straight. I got over myself, and now I am really happy to be here. I am not exactly sure what made me like college all of a sudden. To be honest, it was probably that as time passed, I just adjusted. But instead, I am going to give Mike Goulet credit for this. We were talking, back in October, and I was telling him about my uncertainties about college and how I miss the way things were and all that great stuff. But his response was surprisingly therapeutic. He told me that in order to enjoy college I need to just let go. He helped me realize how much I actually did hate high school. While simultaneosly, he helped me understand that as soon as I let go of my past, I will be able to look at the memories fondly. I never really thought about that. I still haven't mastered the art of just letting go, but here's to trying. I hope that things are working out for Mike in Cali. I was really fortunate to run into him that night, otherwise I have no idea when I would see him next.

Ben graduated from the Marines. I knew he would be different, but I wasn't ready for the change that I encountered. Some of the things that he said really, really surprised. But, jarhead or not, he is still Ben. It's going to take some getting used to. It was just really hard being called a civilian, like I am now the scum of the earth to him. I know that he didn't mean to hurt my feelings though. I just can't believe how happy he is in the Marines. That's good though, i think/hope.

Tonight was my first Zen meditation meeting. It was amazing. I am still too scatterminded to feel like I am meditating properly, but I know with time, that I can get it. Even if I am not properly meditating, I still know that I felt better leaving the room than I did entering. And you can't put a price to that.

This is going to have to suffice for now. G'night

From: punchkin
2005-11-30 04:15 am (UTC)
what zen meditation meeting?!!????
why don't i get cool opportunities???!?!?
i'm jealous...
in a wholesome way.
awesome, kels.
you'll have to tell me what you learn.
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From: punchkin
2005-11-30 04:17 am (UTC)
p.s. i meditate three times a week, and i still haven't been able to calm my scattered thoughts. they just keep flowing through my brain. the key is to not suppress them, rather just acknowledge them, and let them be. watch them flow past you, without you grabbing hold and letting yourself be carried away. it's interesting when you can watch thoughts rise and fall, without letting them distract you.. but it will take a few sessions to get used to the idea.
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